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Moving? Tips to Help Your Child With the Transition

When moving to a new neighborhood and school, the key to success is understanding your child's temperament.
By Dr. Ron Taffel, Family Therapist
 

You are about to take on a double whammy — moving to a new neighborhood and a new school. Many parents dread this double-edged transition, but despite the significant challenges, there are a few steps you can take to ensure that your child has the best chance of doing well.

Understand Your Child's Temperament

The key to success is to accurately understand your child's temperament when it comes to transitions. Children do not act in similar ways to the process of change. And, how your child reacts will depends on his temperament, his personality-style.

For example, if you have a child who goes through change easily, you will have noticed early on that he seems fairly adaptive during the endless transitions of childhood. He moves from classroom to classroom easily, birthday party to birthday party without much of a fuss and between play dates without creating a scene. Chances are this kind of child will require little extra preparation, beyond common sense, before entering a new neighborhood and school. Try not to be alarmed by all the hype regarding the inevitable difficulty of such a double transition. Just use your basic instinct as a parent, and you'll probably sail right through.

On the other hand, if your child has shown difficulty with transitions before, you need to put in a bit of extra effort. The best way to successfully prepare is to keep this word in mind-practice! Practicing ahead of time helps your child become familiar with a new situation without needing to face things head on during those frenetic, first days of school. There are a number of painless ways you can create this process of practicing psychologists call "de-sensitization."

 
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Comments from GreatSchools.net readers

11/17/2009:
"How about foreign kids in public schools? We are a brazilian family who will be moving to Gibbstown/NJ somewhere next month for a 2 year period. We have a 9 years old daughter. What additional support can we expect at a public school, as my kid do not understand englisch yet? It must be hard for my kid in the first weeks/months, so some extra attention from the teachers would be welcome. Any tips how we can facilitate their integration in a regular american public school?"
08/18/2009:
"We are a family from Norway moving to the US, and Wellesley Massachusetts in December. We have 2 boys, born im 2002 and 2005. How do I proseed to enrolled them in a public school? The school system in Norway is quit different from the US. What grade will they be inn? Can we expect any additional support at a public school, as the kids (espessially the little one) speaks pourly english. We are pretty sure about the school district and have 2 schools in mind. Greatfull for an answer."
07/31/2008:
"This is an awesome site. I have a question though, I live in Canada and may be eventually moving to Hawaii. Would it be best to move there early in the school year? I'm asking cause my son will be 5 and starting Kindergarten and if we do end up moving there I would like him to go to a really good school. Is there anything that I would have to do because he is canadian to be allowed to go to school or does it matter? Any info on this would be greatful."
07/3/2008:
"'How about foreign kids in public schools? We are a brazilian family who will be moving to luisville/KY somewhere next monthfor a 2 year period. We have a 7 years old boy. What additional support can we expect at a public school, as my kid do not understand englisch yet? It must be hard for my kid in the first weeks/months, so some extra attention from the teachers would be welcome. Any tips how we can facilitate their integration in a regular american public school? "
04/9/2007:
"Thanks for the advice including that from the comments we are planning to relocate from Africa to the USA and my 11 year old is real apprehensive the comment dated 01.04.2006 fom the arab american family raelly brings to light how difficult it is for the children .Please how did they fair? Isthere any advice you can offer?Iam really concerned about the socialisation and academics although my child is in a gifted school here. Once again thank you."
10/23/2006:
"this article was truly helpful I was lucky to come across it. I live in New York and I plan on relocating to florida,my two oldest children are having a great deal of difficuly excepting the move and the changes. Your suggestions were truly helpful thank you I plan on utilizing them to make the transisition easier on my children"
04/24/2006:
"This tips sound great, and we will be putting them to use, next school year. I'm sure it's no difference when we start a new position in a job, trying to feel comforable."
01/4/2006:
"Articles like this are wonderful! I thank you for the advice. I have 4 children and custody of my little brother and sister. Their ages range from 6-15 years old. My 4 children are U.S. born Arab-Americans. Two of the older boys have had a really hard time with racism in school and simply going to the local park or store. Their dark skin and dark hair tends to draw the wrong kind of attention. We are considering relocating to Jupiter, Florida. I lived in Pompano Beach and loved it but, I don't know enough about the schools to move my family there. I have done a lot of research on Jupiter. I just hope we are making the right decision. I am terrified that the children are going to end up hating this drastic change. Some of them already hate the idea. They have been moved around a lot in their lives. I just want to find a place we can all feel at home. If anyone has any advice at all for us please feel free to respond. I need all of the help I can get. I also need legal advice! on moving from a state in which you have full temporary custody of children from that state. Does the mother have to follow or is it simply not permitted? Please help!"
12/5/2005:
"Thanks for the article. I think it makes sense! Personally, my son seems to adapt quite easily to certain changes. He will be having a major change in his life. 1) I am a single mother, getting married to an American citizen (I am from Malta, Europe). So he will have a father to look up to. 2) He is moving to a new country. So thats going to be hard for him. And 3) of course he has to change his school, make new friends etc. So I am sure that its not going to be 100% easy for him. He presently goes to a Catholic school here and I am finding it hard to choose a school for him in the Champaign area. But thanks for the advice. I will keep looking!! "
11/21/2005:
"I'm a high school senior from New Orleans. I left my first school due to Katrina and I now go to school in Miami but my mother has me moving again, now to North Carolina for my third school. Looks like my senior year is going to be chopped up. Even though my mother jokes that I'll be having three class rings now I don't find this situation funny. This will be my 6th or 7th school and honestly, this 'routine' as my mother calls it is getting old. And I've noticed that I'm always leaving during Christmas. Honestly, for any parents who are reading this, talk thoroughly with your children. Ask them to be honest. Don't give the idea that they have no choice. I've had to deal with that 5 or 6 times in the last 7 years and everytime I give in to the idea because I feel like I don't have a choice. Ask your children to be honest. Ask them how they really feel. None of that 'whatever you want' stuff. That just means that us kids feel like we have no say in the matter. Even though we t! alk about it we still feel like it's out of our hands. Discuss it, talk about it, don't just drop the bomb and make a decision for all of us without consulting us first. That's something we will never forgive you for. Keep an open mind, and this advice is for both the parents and the children. Here what each of you have to say. That's all I can tell you. "
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